Sometimes its not the act itself that reveals the truth behind everything but the aftermath of such significant act. It's not the removal of clothes or new distractions that help make you feel better but the letting go. I've been letting a lot of things go lately, trudging forward, not belonging to anyone anymore. In my wake I've already uncovered some important truths that I've yet to learn about the nature of people, about the nature of the human heart; we are lonely and needy creatures. It takes just the right combination of personalities (and chemistry or curiosity?) for two individuals to meet and hold on to something so intangible between them for such a ridiculously long time. Either we are some of the most sentimental saps on earth or just plain stupid. It doesn't change anything. Something had to be done in order to move forward and I'm moving full speed ahead. 

The future isn't daunting because I'm not thinking about will be or could happen let alone predict what will be. I am living in the moment and appreciating every second. I refuse to let something that hasn't happen hinder my experiences. I'm getting sick of how people need a reason/goals/something to strive for in order to commit to anything, they need to know what will become of a relationship in order to stick with it... What if you meet and enjoy each other's company, but never fall in love? Will you stay then? Does it matter? Why put all that pressure on yourselves? It hinders the very act of falling in love because you're so busy trying to make it happen.

There's nothing like submerging yourself in such a lively city as New York when all you want is to feel alive. Just being in that energy and connecting with so many unique and creative individuals, it feeds a part of my brain that Maryland or DC will never satiate. But this time was different. There was nothing holding me back and there were no limitations. My decisions were mines to make with no precursors effecting the outcome. I felt a strange sense of freedom that was exciting yet scary. The abandonment of so many inhibitions that once kept me safe shook me a little, yet the idea of having no boundaries was exhilarating.  

I was lucky enough to be in the company of some really great friends and I feel as if I can't thank them enough. They didn't really do anything grandios, but just the fact that they were so welcoming, generous and considerate made all the difference. I felt safe and I thought that was only possible with a boyfriend. I stayed with a good friend and 2 of his room mates in the Finance District.

Friday night was enlightening to say the least. I made two new friends who are very much wise and genuine. I can't wait to see them and listen to them talk again. So much to be gained and learned. One of the best thing you can do for yourself is just sit and listen when someone is telling you their story. Experiences shared is a priceless.  

On Saturday I reunited with an old friend who caught me up on his whirlwind life. I had my first taste of soup dumpling, which Brett could suck like a pro. The skins stuck to our lips. Later that night, the guys and I decide to make up for the last time I was in NY and stayed sober. Evan went straight for the Patron at the bar despite my warnings that I would definitely die. I think two shots did me in. Mike stayed sober, but laughed and danced just as much as I did if not more, and I was the worse of our group.  

On the cab ride back things started to get fuzzy. We were flashed some brown buttcheeks on the way to Ktown. All I remember is the girl's ass was very flat and square. Apparently the window was still up when she flashed us. A tiff between friends ensued and I, being the overly sensitive drunk, let it scare me more than it should and put me on the verge of tears. It's actually comical. In the morning, I listened as Brett recall how I passed out in the lobby and he had to carry my dead weight upstairs; "Like Hannibal," he kept saying. As we got into the elevator, supicious tenants eyed him. "He roofied her," they must have thought. The irony is, one would have to roofie him, the Asexual Brett. When I woke up, someone had, in a very sweet gesture, placed my scarf around my feet to keep them warm. College revisited, lunch and dinner lost to the porclean god, but all was well with the world the next day as we slurped down ramen at Ippudo.

On the bus ride back home, I cut my last and final ties of nonsense. Friends will have to suffice for now. And sometimes, that's just enough.