... life changing.


Read the whole staggering work or read the excerpts I kindly cut and paste for you,:

You abused her, as it were, the way one abuses a substance. You took too much of her. You got drunk on her. When she ran dry you needed more. So you went out and got more. You didn't care where you got or who you got from or how it made her feel. What you felt for her was not as much love for her as love for what she contained, what she promised, what she brought to you. You loved her like an addict loves the bottle the whiskey comes in. You loved the whiskey that she was. You loved the high she gave you.

Addiction and love are different. Love is hard. Addiction is a better high.

But addiction will destroy you. Addiction will leave you wanting more. Just look at you. You are still reeling. You are still craving that future of limitless highs, smothered in the butter of her endless fascination. To dwell on this will only excite more hunger, more desire, more self-interested seeking after conquest and orgasm and acceptance and adrenaline and intimacy and release.

You professed to not know why you hurt her, because to admit why you hurt her would be to admit that she was an object. Since she was an object, in a sense you tried to destroy her. We attempt to destroy the objects of our addiction. In our delusion, we see them as the cause of our addiction.

I suggest that you consider the possibility that in being the wonderful person you are, talented and successful and creative, you are, like so many of us talented and successful and creative people, deeply flawed in the classic way, flawed like Byron and Jim Morrison, flawed like Shakespeare and Don Juan, flawed like Richard Burton, flawed like JFK and Bill Clinton, flawed like a rock star, flawed like Sinatra.

This flaw will not leave you in the physical gutter the way an alcohol addiction will. It leaves you in a cultural gutter, despised by women and men alike, outcast, unable to live within society's rules, unable take care of your family.

But grieving and moving on are not things that you do. They are things that happen to you. 

She's gone. She's gone and it's over. What you are left with is yourself.


Best Response from a reader

You can't get over her for the same reason you cheated on her: you are an egotistical narcissist. You want to win at any cost. You want the perfect girl and at the same time, you want to screw any other attractive woman who crosses into your sight lines. You, of course, want HER (Ms. Perfect) to be faithful to YOU -- I can only imagine your rage if SHE had cheated on YOU three times.

She's not coming back, and you are not (yet) capable of having a faithful, committed relationship with ANYONE. So if you are alone for a time, that's a good thing.

You can try and get some psychological help for your narcissim, but I warn you that it is a hard condition to treat or grow out of....narcissists like being narcissists. They like having the whole world spin around them and their problems. They like having rules for other people, but total freedom for themselves.

For what it is worth: there is no Ms. or Mr. Perfect for anybody. All of us can have successful long term relationships with a surprisingly large number of people -- IF we are mature and can commit to long term fidelity (and do it with a happy, joyful open heart...not as if it was a long term jail sentence.) There are a heck of a lot of genuinely good and decent women out there, LW -- many of them could make you happy.

But you can't be happy, because you are a controlling narcissist with a giant ego, who wants to sleep around. So -- either commit first to CHANGE, or face the facts that this is the rest of your life....just like this.