I can't recall the last time I had a best friend. The concept seems a bit prepubescent, or too idealistic. A best friend, in the true sense of the word, can only exist in a world where you are still naive and young, undaunted by life responsibilities, the complications of sex, marriage, children and significant others. When it was all about passing notes in class and wishing on shooting stars, having a best friend didn't seem all too impossible. Now I hardly have time for consistent friends that I see every week. When I have time, we get dinner and catch up. Is that what a best friend is nowadays? Back then it was about sleepovers, crushes, getting grounded, camp-outs, secrets and bracelets. Now, if I'm lucky I get to see my friends on my birthday. Perhaps I'm too cynical. Being an adult does that to you. You're so lucky I only knew you when we were silly little girls. I'm sure I would dislike you now. I dislike most people and can only tolerate most of my friends for a short amount of time. After being let down too many times, I've also learned to stop expecting anything of my friends. So when they do reach out to me, unasked, I cherish it even more. But I don't start seeing rainbows and butterflies. I've learned, people are inconsistent, and it's perhaps time that I let go of my childish idealisms. A child expects that when someone says they will be there for them to be there. I don't think all my friends are bad at being friends, but like me, they are busy with their own lives. I guess the obvious reality of the matter is, we are not part of each other's daily lives.

But I have a thing for being too short sighted. Today, I am just in a cynical mood. I must remind myself that there were people who sat on a bus for four hours to come see me on my birthday. Someone who baked me a lovely 4-tier cake last year --the fanciest home made cake I've ever had to date. Some people sent me gifts and made me dinner, or called me to dinner. Made me special things out of what they were good at. Time. They took the time out of their lives to tell me I mean something. 

Even though we are no longer best friends and I no longer have best friends, I am glad I was lucky enough to have one growing up. Someone to share my silly thoughts and dreams with. Someone to talk to for hours on the phone and someone to see that Romeo and Juliet movie with (the one with Leonardo DiCaprio when he was such a heart throb).

Best friend, I'm glad I knew you. It would be nice to have one today, but I don't think I would even have the time for you. Maybe we can get dinner sometimes and catch up.